Came across this little article in The Guardian. While there are obvious differences between the author and myself (he is male, visibly disabled etc) it does touch on some of the same questions I ask myself. The comments are actually more edifying than the article. One comment stood out in particular:
I'm going to have to dispute that. In the dating world the absolute
bottom rung is being a single mother. Add being a single mother to a
disabled child, and men nearly break into a trot.
I am a disabled, over 40 single mother of a disabled child. Yeah. Exactly.
have to ask the person who wrote the article - would HE consider dating
a disabled person? Because I find this rather intriguing. Doing the
"Don't blame me I'm Italian!" seems to imply that he's just as lookist
as these women are who dismiss him. If a woman such as myself - who
used to be an athlete but thanks to a condition that is slowly stripping
away everything I was, the weight is back on - walking with a cane,
constantly in pain, probably sporting a rash across my face and several
splints to keep my limbs and joints from going in whatever direction ,
I'd probably get an "ew" look and then that would be it, right?
So what goes around comes around, doesn't it?
It's amazing how many people out there feel they can make a statement
about fat-people-in-scooters without understanding how issues may affect
them. I have a disability. The drugs I take for said disability puts
on stupid amounts of weight even though my dietary intake would frighten
most people it's so low. I'm Off Limits, even to other disabled people
(hell, even to BLIND people, I've tried) because I can't play Aphrodite
to their Hephaestus.
My solutions seem to be - get rid of my son
(he's moving to a residential school as his current school is failing
him) but he will still be disabled, and he will still be my son. Ergo,
at some point dates have to deal with that.
Lose weight - and for
me, this means starvation. There's no other way. Of course, there's
all sorts of health issues with trying to starve oneself down to
Just not date - it's more trouble than it's worth.
I've gone with three. I am well aware I'm just too much "damaged" for
people to handle and that's not going to change. Unfortunate truth, but
there we are.
I guess her post stood out because she used to be an athlete as well, but more because she conveys intelligence, self-awareness and a fiery spirit in her short post. It's just such a shame that a lot of men can't look past the surface to find these things out. I feel the same way about guys who dismiss me because I can't do certain activities any more, but I am also guilty of hypocrisy. I still want to date an attractive, good-looking fellow, and looks can be a deal-breaker for me.
I don't know what I would say to this woman.